We got the lowest unemployment we’ve had in years, and even though it’s still double that of white folks, that means that almost everybody who wants a job has got one. President Trump didn’t abolish Black history month (not yet anyway). Mary J Blige is up for two Oscars (count them, two) even after Kendu tried to take her for everything she owns. Omarosa done finally left the White House and looks like she wants to be reclaimed by our people.
And now, Marvel Studios has messed around and gave us our own blockbuster superhero movie, Black Panther. And yes I’m already claiming blockbuster status.
If Trump can claim that more people watched his State of the Union address than any other President’s when I know at least 2,000 people on my Facebook timeline who didn’t watch, I can for damn sure claim blockbuster status for this movie when the pre-sales of tickets have already outpaced the pre-sales for any other superhero movie. Ever.
With Black Panther coming out, I feel the need to go to the ancestors for advice and pull y’all to the side like Big Mama did before she took y’all into them people’s stores back in the day. She would whisper in your ear not to embarrass her, not to touch anything and not to show your hindparts. So think of this as your Big Mama’s loving guide to going to see Black Panther.
1. BUY a ticket.
This is very important. We want the studios and the producers and directors to understand the power of the collective Black dollar. We want them to continue making movies for us, about us and prove to them that EVERYBODY wants to see those stories. We can’t do that if y’all are #outchea watching bootleg movies with people walking in front of the screen in it.
2. Don’t bootleg this movie.
Now I’m not trying to keep people from securing their bags and I realize bootlegging is a real profession, but again, we want everyone buying a ticket and seeing this movie in an actual theater.
3. Buy concessions at the theater.
Normally I would roll with you wanting to bring your own 2 piece and a pepper from Popeye’s and a Zip-Lock bag full of your homemade popcorn up in the theater because them prices are too damn high.
Especially when you add in the cost of concessions on top of the movie ticket. But this is the time we need you to take one for the culture. Even if y’all gotta bring little Tupperware bowls from home so that you can share that ONE box of popcorn.
4. Watch your #alphet choice and let your local theater be a guide.
I loved that we saw Kente cloths and dashikis at the premiere in Hollywood! But let’s face it – that’s Hollywood. If you know you live in Wheatgrass, Alabama, you may not need to show up in full African garb. With that said – here are a couple of good online places to get your #wakandafit together or have an outfit custom-made.
I’m just trying to keep you safe. You know Trump got folks out here displaying their true selves, so we just gotta be extra careful. They are probably already mad we got this movie and we got it in Black History month.
5. See the movie the weekend it PREMIERES.
Again, we are trying to drive the numbers. We got an ALL BLACK EVERYTHING with this movie, so we need show up in numbers and SUPPORT IT! I’m ready for a Black Wonder Woman but we won’t get it if we don’t show up for this movie.
6. Don’t talk over the movie.
Y’all know every stereotype got a smidgen of truth in it and this is one. Y’all love to talk back to the screen and tell the people in the movie not to go in there, get out, etc. Fight the urge to do that and just enjoy. Nobody wants to hear you acting like YOU are in the movie. And they are watching the same movie as you, so you don’t have to narrate.
7. Get a babysitter.
If little Jayden is in a diaper OR struggling to make it through elementary school, he shouldn’t be at this movie. Nothing ruder at a movie than a crying baby. He crying cause he’s mad and doesn’t want to be there and now we all mad. If you can’t afford a babysitter, go while Jayden is in school or aftercare. Matinees are cheaper anyways.
8. Put your phone on silent.
You do not need to answer your side chick’s call in the movie. If your wife is there, she’s gonna get mad anyway. Plus it’s rude, and nobody wants to be distracted by the light from your phone in a dark theater when they should be looking at the movie.
9. Don’t get into any fights in the parking lot.
Wait until after Black History month to fight. We don’t need any bad publicity attached to this movie. Go the movie, eat your popcorn, and take your BEHIND HOME when it’s over. If you just gotta act up, wait until Ben Affleck’s new movie comes out and get to fighting there. (And no parking lot pimping either – go home people!)
10. And finally, don’t do anything to collectively embarrass Black People or Big Mama.
If you don’t touch sheeit, don’t ask for sheeit, and basically keep your mouth closed, we won’t have any problems.
Now get out there and enjoy this generational movie event and take all this advice in the love it was given. Black Panther takes over the universe at a theater near you starting Feb 16th. If you are Texas – be sure to come out and join us at one of our Texas Theater Takeover Screenings.