Doris Payne: Whose Sticky-Fingered Great Aunt is This?

Doris Payne is a notorious 86 year old jewel thief who been stealing for bout 80 years. After that much experience with theft, you should be a professional. Before I finish talking about y’all’s great aunt, can we just talk about how Doris’ wig is Pantene’d to the high heavens…how her eyebrows are perfectly arched, and how those lips are poppin’ in that archived mugshot?

And it looks like she got on pearls and a nice church dress. Probably stole that hair, dress and her shoes. Said her stores of choice were Saks and Lord and Taylor’s. Said she one of the reasons L & T went out of business. At any rate, this time, she was caught stealing at Wal-Mart.

Apparently, she had gotten a job there but instead of saying “Welcome To Walmart” like they had trained her to do, she got confused because of her former life of crime and started stealing stuff. Electronics, groceries, feminine items (that’s when you know you just stealing to be stealing because Aunt Doris know she don’t need no feminine products!).

Said she wasn’t even trying to hide. She put the stuff in her basket first and then started transferring it all to her big black purse. Said when they caught Aunt Doris at the door, she was shuffling and leaning to one side with a small tv hanging out of her bag. Said she was also wearing an ankle bracelet that she had tried to file off.

I can’t with Aunt Doris. They may as well keep her in jail because if they let her out, something tells me she ain’t gon’ stop thieving. Lookin’ like she should be sitting on somebody’s Mother Board versus sitting in somebody’s jail cell. #DorisPayne #AuntDoris#SoShaydee

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