The Talk HBO’s Insecure Should Have Had About Oral Sex in the Black Community

issa rae
WARNING: If you often 'clutch your pearls' - be warned that this article openly discusses the oral sexual habits of grown folks.

HBO’s hit series Insecure is known to fans for having no-holds barred, much-needed conversations about topics that affect the young, Black and single. The latest episode discussed oral sex perspectives in the Black community, but as a writer from The Root pointed out,  that part of the episode felt like it was from “1997 With a Convo About Oral Sex I Thought We Weren’t Having Anymore.”

The characters suggested not giving oral sex at all or that it’s still something only White women do. While this was the sentiment of the religious and older generations, in 2017, oral sex is just not a taboo to younger Black people.

However, the episode ended with a hilarious and unfortunate incident that actually touches on a real topic of disagreement around oral sex in the Black community: what’s supposed to happen when the man climaxes?

The “Tell Me When”

Some Black women believe that having semen in your mouth is nasty, unclean, or just too freaky. These women may not be afraid to participate in oral sex, but will ask their lover to tell her when he’s about to climax so that she has time to remove her mouth and get out of the way.

Where women disagree on this method is that some say it can be seen as rude or ruin the mood for men, but women who practice it feel turned off by the idea of having semen in their mouth or feel that should be saved for their husband or at least serious boyfriend.

The “Catch and Release”

Some Black women don’t mind having semen in their mouth but are totally against the idea of swallowing it. Again, the disagreement among women is that the act of semen in her mouth should be for a husband and that completing such an act with a “random” or “buddy” is uncouth or loose, while others feel it allows the man to feel the full sensation of release without requiring the woman to commit to swallowing.

The “Big Gulp”

Some Black women don’t mind swallowing a man’s semen at the conclusion of oral sex. They feel it is a natural progression of the act of oral sex, while others feel that swallowing is an intimate act and privilege only for a man who puts a ring on it. Again, stigma may be put on the woman who does not hold these same beliefs.

The “Mask”

The seemingly most taboo among Black women is allowing a man to ejaculate his semen on her face. Some Black women express that this act is one of disrespect, and it is meant only for “porn stars and groupies.” Other Black women view it as another level of freaky reserved for husbands only, and some Black women look at it as preference and lets the man decide where he “shoots and fires,” regardless of the seriousness of their relationship.

While where to let a man climax during oral sex is still an area of varied disagreement in the Black community, communication is always the most important aspect to ensure everyone’s happy when it’s all said and done.

This is where this writer feels Issa failed in the latest Insecure episode. Perhaps, the “accident” will gain more discussion in the rest of the season. Stay tuned.



  • That is the one reason I am having a hard time getting the mate I desire. It is a deal breaker for most black men including me. We don’t say it, but that is why a lot of brothers try other races that its is not a taboo. (We as black men don’t always tell you what is on our minds. We just watch) You want a husband and you don’t like doing that. Good luck

    • I understand but the reason why, most black women, have a hard time doing that is due to the CONSTANT judgement from black men. Black women are turned off! You will be surprised how many black women love to do it among other kinky things but black women are simply turned off. A black man has to make a sista feel good and comfortable so she is can open up.. and comparing us to other races(among other negative things) will get you nowhere with a sista. Of course other women will do it often because black men don’t run them down like yall do black women. Something to think about.

    • Black men in interracial relationships have the highest divorce rate in the country so it “can be a deal breaker” all day long but the statistics shows that they’re failing in these relationships with non-black women at epic proportions . But good luck.

  • Since when do black men care about divorce rates or marriage at all? They want to tag a white woman or anything not-100% black so they can put a notch in their cock. Black women and white men actually have a pretty good success rate at lasting relationships and marriage compared to black men and white women (or other races). Just think OJ.

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